Time is flying, and somehow, classes are turning into days which are turning into weeks which are turning into months. I entitled this post "Weeks 9-10" because I will be covering here everything from my return to Poland until today, which is really almost two weeks. These weren't very photographable weeks, as I spent a lot of time indoors learning, and as it is now fall, early nights and blustery weather et all. Getting back home from Poland was surreal and incredible. I was just so happy to be home, to fall into a regular routine and to be in my school, in my home, and in Israel. We spent shabbat in Gush Etzion at our teacher's houses, which was lovely and relaxing, as we didn't have to make any plans or coordinate anything (it was a school shabbat) but still got to leave Jerusalem. Saturday night I went out with school friends, and Monday night I went out for dinner with my friend Kayla from home. We are also spending shabbat together at her cousins house, so as I am writing this, I am simultaneously mentally packing for the weekend.
^^^pre-shabbos last week
^^^ out with my friend Kayla on Monday night
As you can see, I didn't get out much this week. I spent most of the week with my school friends, learning and hanging out. This is for three reasons-one, we've been here for two and a half months, so the social scene is definitely dying down and the pressure to go out is nearly nonexistent, two, because it's cold, dark, and frequently rainy at night, and three, because of the current security situation in Israel and particularly in Jerusalem.
I'm not sure how much of the current situation in Israel is being broadcasted and publicized in America, but here, it is real life and it is everywhere, every day. There have been three confirmed terrorist attacks (Hamas took responsibility) and two unconfirmed attacks in the past two weeks. Although the casualties have been relatively small, the constant presence of terror in Israeli life is pervasive. People stay inside more, and are more cautious and reserved on the streets. There is an unmissable atmosphere of tension that permeates every part of life. This isn't a dire situation-there have been many times, unfortunately, when life has been much more stressful here and when terrorism and war loomed larger. Still, with the huge uptick in terrorism, rioting, violence, and shootings, it is definitely something everyone feels and suffers from. In the past two weeks, our school has been on lockdown three or four times while they clarified the situation, and we are advised as much as possible not to go out. At the same time, life goes on. It has to. Laundry still needs to be done, friends still need to be seen, groceries still need to be bought, and the buses still must run. Israelis are, tragically, not unaccustomed to this-there are times of greater and lesser tension, and they make it through them. But I'd be lying if I said we didn't feel it.
Last night, I went to a teacher's house for a siyum, which is basically a party made when the learning of a book of the bible is completed. We took the bus there, but it was a nice night, so we decided to walk back. It was only a 15-20 minute walk in an area we know well, and we were four girls with cell phones and common sense. But as we walked, every time a car came closer to the curb, every time there was a loud noise, we flinched. We didn't really think anything was going to happen to us, but that's what terrorism does-you never really know who will be the next victim and when or where it will happen. Lately, Hamas's shtick is to drive cars into crowds of people waiting for buses or walking on the street, which is truly freaky because everyone needs to leave their house, and anyone can drive a car. In a way, I guess it's brilliant of them-it means you always need to be on the lookout, cautious and apprehensive. But like I said, life goes on. In the midst of this, so many beautiful things have happened.
Last week, I told you I didn't know what the takeaway from Poland was. I've been thinking about that all week, and although I haven't come to any definite answers yet, I feel something is different in me. We have a program in our school called Darkaynu, for girls around my age and older with special needs, typically Down's syndrome. I have never been heavily involved in working with special needs kids, it often made me uncomfortable, as loathe as I was to admit it. We had a chance to sign up for a Darkaynu chevruta (partner-style learning) at the beginning of this year, and I immediately said no. I thought it wasn't for me. Then, when we returned from Poland, I saw the Darkaynu girls-they hadn't arrived till after Sukkot, so my first day back from Poland was the first time I met them. I had this strong desire to talk to them and be close to them that I have never had with special needs people before. I kept reaching out to them, and their enthused responses made me so happy. Two days after I got home, I signed up for a Darkyanu learning partner, and was matched with two girls who I would we learning with once a week. I showed up enthusiastically on Wednesday for my first learning session with them, in which I decided we would learn the weekly Torah portion. This week's Torah portion happens to be chalk-full of great stories (the destruction of Sodom and Gomorra, the birth of Isaac, the sacrifice of Isaac) so it was fun to tell the stories to my girls. When we got to the sacrifice of Isaac, I paused-how was I supposed to explain this to these girls? They posses a beautiful but childlike innocence and cannot grasp complex ideas-how did I make this understandable to them? I began by explaining that a parent's love for a child is unmatched, just like their parents love them so much, so too, Abraham and Sarah loved Isaac so much. We talked about their parents and families and I watched their faces light up (literally, they were grinning ear to ear). I then explained how hard it must be for a parent to have to give up a child, and they nodded, seeming to understand. Then, one of my girls, Lauren, said something so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes. "Parents always love their kids a lot. My parents love me a lot, even though I have a disability". "Just imagine how hard it would be for your parents to give you up, and how lucky they are to have you" I said, and they nodded. We finished the summary of the Torah portion and talked about life, family, friends, and adjusting to a new country. I left feeling so happy and fulfilled, it stuck with me the rest of the week.
I don't know why I chose to do this now, if it's because of Poland or because of the terrorism here or for no reason, but I am so happy I did. The only influential factor I can point out with confidence is the following that I read in a book about prayer by Rabbi Avi Weiss:
Two friends were discussing some of the more difficult issues of life. One said, "Sometimes I would like to ask God why he allows poverty, famine and injustice, when He could do something about it" The other replied, "Well, why don't you ask Him?" The response came quickly: "Because I am afraid that God might ask me the same question"
We talked so much in Poland about our ability to do both good and evil. This duality in us is something unique to the human being, and I have seen so many examples of both in the past weeks. On the one hand-senseless hatred, brutal murder, and unfathomable evil, on the other, the giving spirit of so many people, the love between friends and family, and the unity of the Jewish people in the face of all challenges. It's up to us what we want to do, what energy in ourselves we want to harness, and I'm trying my best to harness the light.
I know I've been very serious lately, but I promise, I am still having an amazing time and lots of fun. I am always smiling and couldn't be happier or in a better place. Have an amazing shabbat/weekend everyone! I love you guys and miss you very much. XXOO RTS
It's never too early to begin thinking of others and giving back. Congratulations!
ReplyDelete